Monday, January 9, 2012

An Important Resource for Men

I want to take a few minutes of your time, if I may, to discuss a very important issue.  The issue of domestic violence has been covered and studied and looked at a lot; however, a significant number of people have been excluded from the research and from the solutions:  Men.

My partner is a survivor of domestic violence, and he has faced numerous challenges in putting his life back together in the aftermath.  He has set up a website where men like him can go to find support, information, and resources to help them cope and get back on their feet.  I support him in this work, because I have seen for myself how domestic violence keeps hurting the victims, even long after their escape.  Women and children have numerous resources for help in the community (and I'm very glad of this); however, men have a harder time being acknowledged as victims, let alone finding help in getting out and getting back on their feet. So many don't know there is support out there.  ( And those are the ones who don't get mistaken for perpetrators and end up in jail!) I'm so proud of my partner for doing this!

This article brings some shocking information to light.  For instance, I'll bet the average person did not know that the U.S. Department of Justice flat out refused to offer any funding for research of domestic violence perpetrated against men!  Instead, the National Institutes of Mental Health has stepped in and is doing the research.  I'm sure that the average person also does not know that roughly an equal number of men are victims.  The media and the authorities choose to focus on women and children. While this is a good thing, more attention needs to be paid to male victims.  One of my favorite performers (Phil Hartman) was killed by his wife, tragically.  I am actually amazed that this incident did not bring more attention to the plight of male victims, actually.  Instead, the media focused on the wife's drug and mental problems and pretty much glossed over the deeper issue. (Yes, all these years later, I still miss him!)

For a long, long time, the images of the browbeating wife, overbearing mother or stalking girlfriend, and "whipped" or "wimpy" husband have been images that society has viewed as "par for the course" or humorous.  Once one has experienced abuse him or herself, however, those images stop being so funny. I have suffered my own share of abuse in various forms from partners, so these images are not funny to me most of the time.  (It depends on how it's delivered in my case.)

I only know that we all deserve to live in a society free from violence.  Violence of war, violence toward children and the elderly, violence between men and women, violence toward animals and the Earth.  Until all victims are given acknowledgment, however, this cannot happen.

Thank you for reading.  If you are a man in need of support, I recommend you check out my partner's website.  I hope that you find what you need!

Photo credit:


Anonymous said...

I understand your point of view. I have seen and known of too many men that lived or live in abusive relationships. These abused men are depicted incorrectly in movies and TV. Some of these men, at least the ones I know, are hanesome, strong and very macho looking men that just suffer from battered spouse syndrome or Stockholm Syndrome. In the book I am writing at this moment in time I address this issue head on. My main character is a severely abused man that actually believes his wife loves him even after several physical assaults and many years of mental abuse. This man is a decorated police officer. Hard to believe!!

JLynnPro said...

Anonymous, thank you for stopping by and for weighing in, and good luck with your book! I'm sorry it took me a bit to get your comment up.

You won't see this reply by email, but hopefully you'll stop back by.

The truth of the matter is there is a LOT of misinformation about abused men, and the issue really is very much ignored by society.

I live in the Washington, DC area, and even around here, resources for abused men are very difficult to find!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for taking the time to create this much-needed resource. I have a very dear friend who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship for many years. I want very badly to help him, but don't know how. I'm scouring the web for resources, but not finding much. I've suggested counseling many times, but he is opposed to that. Do you have any suggestions or resources that might be of assistance?

JLynnPro said...

Thank you for stopping by, Anonymous September 3.

You can go to, the site about which this post was written. It's a work in progress, but you may find something helpful there. It's very hard to find resources for men in this situation.

Good luck! I hope that your friend can find his way out intact! My boyfriend was one of the lucky ones, and that is why he is building this website.

Anonymous said...

I am an abused husband, worst part is my wife is pregnant. The last two Christmases I have had black eyes. I am controlled to a point where I don't know who I am anymore. My wife says I don't have the courage to kill myself. I am depressed beyond measure and struggle to focus on work. It's terrible

JLynnPro said...

Hi, Anonymous.

I'm very, very, very sorry for what you are going through, and I know that getting out isn't as simple as "just getting out" when your life is so entwined with those of others. (In this case, you child(ren).) I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I do not.

Please note that this blog is public. If you want me to delete your comment to prevent you being found, please email me at from.jens.pen(at), and I will do that.

Please visit my partner's site at He also has a Facebook page by the same name; however, again--you would be logged in under your ID (you could always create another.)

I wish that resources for abused men were better than they are. They are out there, but they are not easy to find. Just don't give up on yourself! Remember that this is NOT your fault. You have done nothing to deserve this. This is the behavior of a sick person. I only hope that she does not treat your child(ren) the same way.